Focus and Flow - Just Posts http://focusandflow.posterous.com Resources and Inspiration for Empowered Living posterous.com Mon, 08 Nov 2010 12:21:00 -0800 REPOST: Dealing with Uncomfortable Feelings: Emotional Intelligence, Sitting wth Pain & Feeling Good | Tiny Buddha http://focusandflow.posterous.com/repost-dealing-with-uncomfortable-feelings-em http://focusandflow.posterous.com/repost-dealing-with-uncomfortable-feelings-em

by Lori Deschene

“Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn’t permanent.” ~Jean Kerr

For as long as I can remember, I have been a fugitive from my feelings.

Psychologists suggest that we are driven by two connected motivations: to feel pleasure and avoid pain. Most of us devote more energy to the latter than the former.

Instead of being proactive and making choices for our happiness, we react to things that happen in our lives, and fight or flee to minimize our pain.

Instead of deciding to end an unhealthy relationship and open up to a better one, we may stay and either avoid confrontation or initiate one to feel a sense of control. Instead of leaving a horrible job to find one we love, we may stay and complain about it all the time, trying to minimize the pain of accepting the situation as real—and enduring until we change it.

From a very young age, I felt overwhelmed by pain. As a pre-teen, I ate my feelings. As a teen, I starved them away. In college, I drank and smoked them numb. And in my twenties, I felt and cried my eyes red and raw.

I sobbed. I wailed. I shook and convulsed. And I wished I’d never chosen to feel them, but rather kept pushing them down, pretending everything was fine.

Except when I did that, they didn’t just go away—they compounded on top each other and built up until eventually I exploded, with no idea why I felt so bad.

One time when I was 17, I couldn’t open a jar of jelly. After ten minutes of twisting, banging, and fighting, I finally threw it at a wall and broke down.

You may think that was a sure sign I had emotional problems, and assume there was some pill to help anesthetize that sadness.

That’s what a lot of people thought. But the reality was a lot simpler: I simply never dealt with my feelings from events large and small, and eventually they dealt with me.

As unpleasant as it may sound, I needed to learn how to feel bad—but first I needed to understand why I felt bad so often. It’s a whole lot easier to deal with pain when it’s not the default feeling.

This, I’ve learned, comes down to three steps:

  1. Developing emotional intelligence.
  2. Learning to sit with negative feelings.
  3. Creating situations for positive feelings.

Emotional Intelligence

Researchers originated this idea as the missing link in terms of success and effectiveness in life. It didn’t seem to make sense why people with high IQs and superior reasoning, verbal, and math skills could still struggle in social and professional situations.

If you have a high EIQ, you likely regulate your emotions well; handle uncertainties and difficulties without excessive panic, stress, and fear; and avoid overreacting to situations before knowing the full details.

If you have a low EIQ, you might be oversensitive to other people’s feelings in response to you; obsess about problems until you find a concrete solution; and frequently feel a tsunami of emotions that you can’t attribute to a specific life event. Or in other words, you may feel bad far more often than you feel good.

Some Steps to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence:

1. Understand what emotional intelligence looks like.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman identified five elements to EI: self awareness, self regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. This means you understand what’s going on in your head and heart; you don’t make hasty decisions on impulse; you can motivate yourself to delay gratification; you listen to, understand, and relate to other people well; and you’re able to focus on other people.

You can read more about these ideas in Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More than IQ.

2. Use meditation to regulate emotions.

Last year, I began exploring emotional intelligence after meeting Google’s Chade-Meng Tan, and listed a few meditation tips to help with EI. It’s infinitely easier to deal with emotions as they arise if you’ve already done a little work to create a calm inner space.

3. Take an honest look at your reactions.

Do you frequently jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts? Do you need other people’s approval to feel comfortable in your own skin? Do you assume you know what other people feel and take responsibility for that? Do you freak out over stressful situations, blaming other people, getting hard on yourself, and panicking over possible consequences?

4. Practice observing your feelings and taking responsibility for them.

It’s not always easy to understand a feeling when it happens, especially if you think you shouldn’t feel it; but forget about should. Instead, try to pinpoint exactly what you feel—scared, frustrated, worried, ashamed, agitated, angry—and then pinpoint what might be the cause. Reserve all judgment.

Simply find the cause and effect, i.e.: your employer seemed unhappy with your work, so now you feel stressed, or your significant other expressed dissatisfaction, so now you feel scared. Anytime you feel something uncomfortable that you’d rather avoid, put a magnifying glass on it.

Once you know what you feel, you can now challenge both the cause and the effect.

You can ask yourself whether or not you’re overreacting to the event or worrying to find a sense of control. And then you can accept that there is an alternative—you can choose to interpret the situation a different way, soothe yourself, and then feel something different. No one else causes our feelings. Only we can choose and change them.

Learn to Sit with Negative Feelings

Even if you reframe a situation to see things differently, there will be times when you still feel something that seems negative. While not every situation requires panic, sometimes our feelings are appropriate for the events going on in our lives.

We are allowed to feel whatever we need to feel. If we lose someone, we’re allowed to hurt. If we hurt someone, we’re allowed to feel guilty. If we make a mistake, we’re allowed to feel regretful. Positive thinking can be a powerful tool for happiness, but it’s more detrimental than helpful if we use it to avoid dealing with life.

Pain is part of life, and we can’t avoid it by resisting it. We can only minimize it by accepting it and dealing with it well.

That means feeling the pain and knowing it will pass. No feeling lasts forever. It means sitting in the discomfort and waiting before acting. There will come a time when you feel healed and empowered.

I don’t regret much in life, but in retrospect, some of the most damaging decisions I have made have resulted from me feeling the need to do something with my emotions. I’d feel angry and want to hurt someone. Or I’d feel ashamed and want to hurt myself.

Our power comes from realizing we don’t need to act on pain; and if we need to diffuse it, we can channel it into something healthy and productive, like writing, painting, or doing something physical.

Pain is sometimes an indication we need to set boundaries, learn to say no more often, or take better care of ourselves; but sometimes it just means that it’s human to hurt, and we need to let ourselves go through it.

Create Situations for Positive Feelings

This is the last part of the puzzle. As I mentioned before, we tend to be more reactive than active, but that’s a decision to let the outside world dictate how we feel.

We don’t need to sit around waiting for other people to evoke our feelings. Instead, we can take responsibility to create our own inner world.

We can identify what we want to say yes to in life and choose that before struggling with whether or not to say not to someone else. If you love dancing, take a class. If your greatest passion is writing, start a blog. If you daydream about being a musician, start recording.

Don’t worry about where it’s leading. Do it just because you love it. For me, this is Community Theater. I performed all growing up, and yet I hardly ever did in my 20s. There was always an excuse—I was too busy or I couldn’t find an audition.

Last year I defied those beliefs and auditioned for Gypsy in San Mateo. I didn’t get cast—likely because I somehow developed two left feet after nearly a decade without moving to music—but I remembered how much I love acting. And I felt a renewed sense of confidence when the director pulled me aside and said I should audition for the next show because my scene was powerful.

I need more of that. We all need more of that. We need to do the things we love—or as Sonya Derian phrased it: make feeling good our new religion.

Concluding Thoughts

Negative feelings are only negative if they’re excessive and enduring. We won’t hurt ourselves into eternal misery if we let ourselves feel what we need to.

Still, we don’t have to feel bad nearly as often as we think.

If we choose to foster a sense of inner peace, challenge our perceptions and interpretations when our emotions could use some schooling, and learn to take responsibility for our joy, we can not only minimize pain—we can choose to be a source of pleasure, for ourselves and the people around us.

Photo here

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Sun, 05 Sep 2010 12:59:00 -0700 RECOMMENDED BLOG POST: Changing when I don't want to (from healthyspirituality.org) http://focusandflow.posterous.com/recommended-blog-post-changing-when-i-dont-wa http://focusandflow.posterous.com/recommended-blog-post-changing-when-i-dont-wa

(Excerpt from the post by Jean Wise on healthyspirituality.org)

"...Change is occurring at a faster pace all the time. We are called upon to adapt, let go, and learn new technologies, systems, and patterns. I try to grasp a moment of time, but reality slips from my hand as the spinning disorients my thinking and steals my breath.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but sometimes I just want to dig in my feet and say, “NO MORE!!” I slam on the breaks and my shifting gears grind to a stop..."

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Sat, 04 Sep 2010 11:02:00 -0700 RECOMMENDED: Find Stillness to cure the Illness (excerpt from zenhabits.net) http://focusandflow.posterous.com/recommended-find-stillness-to-cure-the-illnes http://focusandflow.posterous.com/recommended-find-stillness-to-cure-the-illnes

find stillness to cure the illness


Photo courtesy of Shayan (USA)

“Silence is a source of great strength.” ~Lao Tzu

Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on twitter .

It’s a busy day, and you’re inundated by non-stop emails, text messages, phone calls, instant message requests, notifications, interruptions of all kinds.

The noise of the world is a dull roar that pervades every second of your life. It’s a rush of activity, a drain on your energy, a pull on your attention, until you no longer have the energy to pay attention or take action.

It’s an illness, this noise, this rush. It can literally make us sick. We become stressed, depressed, fat, burnt out, slain by the slings and arrows of technology.

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Tue, 24 Aug 2010 05:52:00 -0700 Avoiding Your True Power: Afraid to Meditate (REPOST from DailyOm.com) http://focusandflow.posterous.com/avoiding-your-true-power-afraid-to-meditate-r http://focusandflow.posterous.com/avoiding-your-true-power-afraid-to-meditate-r

Afraid to Meditate
When it comes to meditation, our minds can come up with millions of reasons why we shouldn’t; which is why we should.

There are times when we feel the pull to meditate but are swayed from it by the excuses that spring to mind. We may think that we are too busy, have no time to ourselves, or that we do not have the right place to meditate. Our minds can think of dozens of reasons to put off meditation. But those are even stronger reasons to look past the illusion of the hustle and bustle of daily life and to connect to the place within that intersects with the timeless power and limitless potential of the universe. From that place we can experience that potent stillness that exists at all times, and it is only as far as away as our breath.

It might be useful to ask yourself why you would put off something so beneficial to your peace of mind and general well-being. There may be fear that if you were to stop your frantic pace, your world might fall apart, and then you would have to face the undeniable reality of who you really are and the results of the choices you have made. You might be afraid that you will be forced to make huge changes in order to align yourself with the universe and harness your true potential. Sometimes the frustrations of the known world seem less scary than the possibilities of the unknown. But the truth is that when we cooperate with the universe by creating our lives from the truth of our being, life becomes less of a struggle and more of a process of living blissfully on purpose... (More on DailyOm.com)

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Wed, 18 Aug 2010 05:57:00 -0700 What is in Your Happiness Checklist? | Positive Provocations~ http://focusandflow.posterous.com/what-is-in-your-happiness-checklist-positive http://focusandflow.posterous.com/what-is-in-your-happiness-checklist-positive

Try this! A couple from my list include: "Listen to Music Everyday" and "Laugh out loud". ~Peace&Power from Dr. Shelly

 

Does buying a new Mercedes or taking a vacation in far far away lands where you spend oodles of money, make you happier? Or does faring poorly in an exam or a life experience add to your misery? We Human beings tend to predict the outcome of an unforeseen venture or event both qualitatively and quantitatively in terms of negativity and positivity—and in most cases they are wrong. Think about and try to reminisce on your own life experiences. How long have you really held on to the grief of the death of a loved one? Tears can’t flow forever. On getting a promotion and a bigger pay cheque, how long have you rejoiced? You cant go on and on throwing parties week after week to celebrate the event.

Yet, if we look deeper within ourself, most of us will find that we had magnified the intensity of emotions associated with these events when they were yet to occur. Forecasting an outcome before it actually happens is immature and often misleading to your self.

I’m not saying that an unpleasant event like a theft of a large sum of money won’t make us sad, but it does not mean that our devastation will last forever. Similarly, adding material pleasures may make life more exciting momentarily, but will never make everything perfect for us. Has the binge shopping or binge eating ever helped beyond a few passing moments?

In anticipating the intensity of our emotional response to future circumstances we only unnecessarily torture our self. To only later realize that the actual intensity of that event wasn’t so bad after-all.  On the other hand, have you noticed, the euphoria of anticipation of a Good event, it is comparatively short lived. When infact it should be the other way around. This only proves the value of being totally-present in the here and the now, and the spiritual value of retaining Calm and inner balance under all circumstances—good or bad.

The happiest you will certainly emerge!

We have heard and most of us know in our hearts that money doesn’t buy happiness. But don’t we still believe in figures rather than feelings?

It is important to note that the factors that make people happy may vary from person to person. While personal success and self-expression maybe seen as the most important to some, to others happiness is about fulfilling the expectations of family and society. Its all a matter of perception and a true understanding of Self.

How happy are you and How satisfied are you with your life ?
To answer this very question, you need to have your very own Happiness Checklist. A Happiness checklist which states things that factor into your life to make you immensely Happy, from the heart and soul…not from the warmth of your pockets.

Today I share with you my Happiness Checklist. Hope it will become yours too :)

My Happiness Checklist:

- Have happy and fulfilling relationships
- Value good friendships

- Love Everyone and Everything-Good or bad

– Less Desires
- Do someone a good turn
- Keep the faith (religious or not)
- Stop comparing yourself with others
- Grow old naturally and gracefully
- Don’t worry if you’re not a genius
- Remain Positive no matter what

Now its your turn- What does your happiness checklist have? Care to add some more to my list? Please share your thoughts and lists in the comments below. I would love to expand my list further.

With Immense Love and Gratitude,
~Zeenat~


 

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Sun, 15 Aug 2010 13:33:00 -0700 Life Lessons for My Younger Self (REPOST from theboldlife.com) http://focusandflow.posterous.com/life-lessons-for-my-younger-self-repost-from http://focusandflow.posterous.com/life-lessons-for-my-younger-self-repost-from

This is a great topic to journal about! I just did and the biggest benefits for me were feelings of forgiveness toward myself and others, as well as the intense feeling of empathy I felt for my younger self (teens and 20s). I can't say that I would want to go back and change anything though. I wouldn't be the "me" I am today if those experiences and lessons learned had not been part of my journey. Take a few moments and make a list of some of your life lessons...

Amplify’d from theboldlife.com
Abubakar Jamil, has invited me to write about “Life Lessons” or what I wish I knew when I was younger. Because we can only do better when we know better, I have no regrets. I see my life as a continuous adventure in learning how to be a more loving person. That’s all that really matters.
by Tess on August 15, 2010 Read more at theboldlife.com

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Sun, 15 Aug 2010 12:50:41 -0700 Deadlines: Creative Friend or Foe? (REPOST from constructivelyproductive.com) http://focusandflow.posterous.com/deadlines-creative-friend-or-foe-repost-from http://focusandflow.posterous.com/deadlines-creative-friend-or-foe-repost-from
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(Excerpt from post by Ali Hale)

Deadlines. Some people can’t work without them. Others find them paralysing stressful. Either way, they have a definite effect on our ability to be creative – for good or for bad...

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Thu, 12 Aug 2010 23:20:00 -0700 5 steps for recovering from a bad decision (REPOST from positivelypresent.com) http://focusandflow.posterous.com/positively-present-5-steps-for-recovering-fro http://focusandflow.posterous.com/positively-present-5-steps-for-recovering-fro

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  "The doors we open and close each day
decide the lives we live." 

Flora Whittemore

 

   Sometimes we find ourselves faced with difficult choices. We can be staring at two options and almost literally feel torn between which one to choose. We might know what the right choice is, but we might still have the desire to make the wrong one. Life is filled with moments in which you feel as if you are standing in a fork in the road, looking down two potential paths, and wondering which way you should go. Sometimes we find ourselves lost, uncertain of which path will lead us home. Other times we know which path will lead us further away and, yet, we might be so curious that we want to take that path. The wonderful thing about life is that we often have the option to travel down many different paths. However, that ability to make choices can also be one of the most terrifying things about life. 

In a life filled with choice after choice after choice, we're bound to make a few mistakes. Life can sometimes feel like a big game of trial and error, and often you don't have any idea what the best choice might be. But, at times,you've probably been in situations where you knew the right choice but chose the wrong one. And these situations, my friends, are some of the worst situations to overcome. It's a terrible feeling to make the wrong choice, but it's an even worse feeling to make the wrong choice when you knew the whole time that it was wrong. Coping with the aftermath of a bad decision with the knowledge that you knew from the get-go you were making the wrong choice is one of the hardest things to deal with. 

Having (unfortunately) had some experience with this myself, I've come up with some ways to deal with the effects of having made a decision you knew was wrong. It's not easy to make mistakes and it's certainly harder to make mistakes when you knew the whole time that you were making them, but, by focusing on the present and on being positive, it's possible to overcome, well, pretty much anything. 



5 Steps for Recovering from a Bad Decision
 

  1. Take full responsibility. The first step you must take when having made a poor choice is recognize the part you played in a situation. It does no good at all to make excuses or rationalize or pretend that, for whatever reason, you aren't to blame. If you want to move forward from wherever you've found yourself, you have to take responsibility for your choices and actions. 

  2. Understand your choices. Next, it's essential that you understand why you made the decision you made. Keep in mind that this is not a time to think of excuses for why it happened; this is a time to understand why it happened so you can avoid making similar decisions in the future. Really take some time to think about why you did what you did so you can begin to move on. 

  3. Apologize and explain. If your decision hurt anyone else, the best thing you can do is apologize and explain. Don't offer excuses or try to play down the situation in any way. Be honest and open with those you have hurt and explain to them what you realized from Step 2. Once you've done that, it's also important to apologize to yourself and do what you can to come to terms with your decision. 

  4. Focus on the present. When you've made a bad decision, it can be tempting to dwell on that but, believe me, that's a waste of time. The most productive thing you can do to move forward from your choice is to focus on what's happening now. Cut yourself some slack and begin to focus on the positive things you're currently doing instead of the negative things you have done. 

     

  5. Be proactive in the future. The best thing you can do for yourself when you find that you've knowingly made a bad decision is to find ways to be proactive after the fact. Ask yourself what can be fixed or changed now. And then think about what you can do in the future to make sure you don't find yourself making similar decisions. Don't downplay the importance of taking future action. 


When you find yourself in a situation in which you've made a bad decision and there is no one to blame but you, it can be tempting to feel down on yourself and to start thinking negatively, but DON'T! No matter what you've done or what choices you've made, there is always hope for the present moment. The past, unfortunate as it might be sometimes, is gone. The only thing you can do at this point in time is move forward with a positive attitude and a focus on the now. That's not to say that things that happened in the past aren't important; they are. But you must realize that the only moment that is real is the moment that is right now -- and it's up to you to start making choices that will leave you feeling positive and happy to be living in every moment of your life. 

 

How do you cope internally with making bad decisions? 
What is the best way to handle the effects of a bad decision? 

  

 

 

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Wed, 11 Aug 2010 16:10:00 -0700 A Loving Break-up http://focusandflow.posterous.com/a-loving-break-up http://focusandflow.posterous.com/a-loving-break-up

 

 

“There are times when two people need to step apart from one another, but there is no rule that says they have to turn and fire”
~Robert Brault – Writer

Very few people are able to traverse the end of a romantic relationship in a way that doesn’t end up with hurtful words being exchanged and long term damage being inflicted. It is interesting how two people can go from one end of the spectrum where they are each others world to the other end of the spectrum where they cannot stand the fact that the other person is even breathing. It has been my observation at the end of my most serious romantic relationships and the end of other couples relationships that even when both parties agree to part a in a civil manner that they rarely are able to part friends and be civil. There are numerous reasons why breaking up is hard to do. Even when we part on good terms and agree that this is the best and most loving thing to do for each person there are often external and internal influences that turn the tables and mayhem ensues.
The external factors are often friends and family who believe their must be a bad guy and that the break-up is someone’s fault and it is often their influence that can turn a mutual parting into a war of the roses parting. If a lawyer is involved in the dissolution of the relationship the lawyer may do things that create riffs in the pool of emotions that each person is treading water in. Feelings are hurt, anger is fueled and all of a sudden each person is at the jugular vein of the other.
The internal factor is primarily the ego. We tend to forget that there were two people involved in the success and failure of the relationship and we begin to assign blame and point fingers at the very person who at one point we could not imagine living without. Our ego takes the position that we were wronged and that the other person was to blame. We say things that are hurtful, we re-write the story of our relationship, we sometimes take the position of the victim and we go out of our way to inflict hurt and pain on the other person based on our now distorted view of the relationship.
Of course relationships that end on a mutual note do not have to end this way. People can love each other and choose to recognize that the loving thing to do for each other is to part ways. We can do this by coming from love in everything we do and by recognizing that other people who may want to make someone the bad guy do not know what you know about your relationship, that they have their own baggage that is influencing their advice to stick it to the other person, to make them pay, etc.
Parting with peace and love is more difficult when one partner does not want the relationship to end. There are truly toxic relationships where no matter how loving you are the other person is going to react in anger, in a controlling manner, in a jealous manner and attempt to make your life a living hell. Know that you can choose to send that person love from a distance, that you can choose to be compassionate in your dealings, you do not have to mirror the anger and pain the other person inflicts upon you. Our knee jerk reaction is often to act in kind and be just as mean and hurtful as the other person is being. No one wins when this happens.
Remember peace is a choice. You can choose to be loving and peaceful even when your relationship comes to an end. Remember also if you don’t engage in drama the drama loses its appeal for the other person.
Breaking up can be hard to do under the best of situations. Be loving at the end of your relationship. Remember at one time you were madly in love with the person who now sits on the other side of the mediation table, remember that although the way you love the other person may have changed that you can still love them as you would love anyone else. As strange as it may sound, when you break up, do so with love.

 

 

Dr. Shelly's Comment: "Great article on breaking up with dignity and love. Something to think about even when there are negative or hostile feelings."

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Tue, 10 Aug 2010 22:06:34 -0700 How Positive Thinking Re-Wires Your Brain (REPOST from the "Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life" blog) http://focusandflow.posterous.com/how-positive-thinking-re-wires-your-brain-rep http://focusandflow.posterous.com/how-positive-thinking-re-wires-your-brain-rep
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Author: Barrie Davenport (1 Articles)

Barrie Davenport is a personal and career coach and founder of Live Bold and Bloom, a blog about bold and fearless living. She is also the editor of The Daily Brainstorm, an aggregate of top tier blogs. Download her free e-book, How to Live a Meaningful Life.

The power of positive thinking.

How many times have you heard that phrase thrown around? It’s so much a part of our vernacular now that it’s almost become meaningless. We’d all agree that thinking positively is a good thing. Especially when we’re feeling positive. When you’re feeling good, how much trouble is it to think, “Hey, I like me. My life is cool. Things are going great.”

But what about when things are crappy? What about those days when you’re so stressed the veins pop out of your forehead? When you hate your job — or you’ve lost it? What about those days when you are sucker-punched by a series of unfortunate events that makes the life of Job look like a garden party?

I’ve met people who remain perky during really bad times. And to be honest, they make me want to slap them around a bit. That Pollyanna, “life is still beautiful” attitude when things are falling apart just yanks my chain. However, I’ve come to learn that these people know something I don’t.

Here’s the secret that’s not really a secret. It’s revolutionary, exciting science.

Positive thinking really does change your brain. Not in some magical, woo woo kind of way, but in a real physical way.

The science is called neuroplasticity. It means that our thoughts can change the structure and function of our brains. The idea was first introduced by William James in 1890, but it was soundly rejected by scientists who uniformly believed the brain is rigidly mapped out, with certain parts of the brain controlling certain functions. If that part is dead or damaged, the function is altered or lost. Well, it appears they were wrong.

Neuroplasticity now enjoys wide acceptance as scientists are proving the brain is endlessly adaptable and dynamic.

It has the power to change its own structure, even for those with the severe neurological afflictions. People with problems like strokes, cerebral palsy, and mental illness can train other areas of their brains through repetitive mental and physical activities. It is completely life-altering.

So what does this have to do with positive thinking and with you?

It means that repetitive positive thought and positive activity can rewire your brain and strengthen brain areas that stimulate positive feelings.

In his book  widely-acclaimed book, The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science, Norman Doidge M.D. states plainly that the brain has the capacity to rewire itself and/or form new neural pathways — if we do the work. Just like exercise, the work requires repetition and activity to reinforce new learning.

Here are some actions you can take to change your own brain during the bad times.

Fear of failure.

Everyone fears doing something new because we don’t wait to fail. The truth is, we can do most anything if we take action, stop negative thinking, and shift our perceptions of the truth about our abilities.

  • Action steps: Force yourself to stop thinking about reasons you can’t do something, even if you don’t feel brave or capable. Every time a negative thought creeps in, retrain your brain to think a positive thought about your abilities instead. Then take small actions every day toward achieving your goal or desired change.  Nike’s slogan, “Just do it,” has real validity.

Over-thinking/Worrying

Have you ever found yourself trapped in obsessive over-thinking about a problem or in a state of anxiety or worry that lasts for days or even weeks? It drains your energy, affects your sleep, and spirals your mood and outlook on life. Focusing on your problem only strengthens the worry function in your brain.

  • Action steps: When you find yourself in that cycle of worry or compulsive thinking, remember the three R’s — rename, re-frame, and redirect. When the worry begins, mentally yell “Stop!” Rename the issue by reminding yourself that worry isn’t real. Rename it as a compulsive reaction, not reality. Re-frame your thinking by focusing on positive or distracting thoughts, even if you still feel anxious. Force yourself to think different thoughts. Redirect your actions. Go do something uplifting, fun or mentally engaging. The key is following these steps repeatedly, every time you worry obsessively, to break the pattern and rewire your brain.

Mood Disorders/Phobias

Sometimes we might feel blue or out-of-sorts, and it’s just a temporary fog that settles in and lifts after a few days. Some mood disorders, like depression or serious anxieties that morph into phobias, can be debilitating and unrelenting. Psychologists and therapists have used treatments based on neuroplasticity to get to the cognitive root of these disorders and put a patient’s life back on track.

  • Action steps: A serious mood disorder or phobia requires the help of a trained counselor. Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is a type of treatment that helps people learn how to identify and change destructive thought patterns that have a negative influence on behavior and feelings. If you suffer from severe anxiety or depression, you need someone skilled to help you get to the root of these thoughts and to show you how to change them. Ask them about CBT.

Scientists are now looking at neuroplasticity to approach a wide variety of cognitive problems and disorders including:

  • Loss of senses — vision, balance and hearing
  • Learning disorders and reading problems
  • Auditory processing problems
  • Autism and hypersensitivity
  • The aging brain and memory
  • Issues related to love and sex
  • Stroke and brain injury recovery
  • Cerebral palsy
  • Chronic pain
  • Obsessive compulsive disorder
  • Psychological trauma
  • Depression and anxiety
  • Cognitive problems after brain surgery

In his book, Dr. Doidge chronicles amazing case histories of patients whose astonishing progress had previously been dismissed as hopeless. Through the applications of this science, we all have the ability to be happier and more positive, raise our IQ’s, rejuvenate aging brains, and learn new skills with ease.

If you want to learn more ways to use the revolutionary science of neuroplasticity to change your thoughts and your life, check out Dr. Doidge’s website.

Neuroplasticity is SO cool! I'm not a neuroscientist but I do try to keep up to date with recent neuroscience research.

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1982367/SPH3_2012.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4wjB1pMFjZLj Dr. Shelly Harrell DrShelly Dr. Shelly Harrell
Tue, 10 Aug 2010 07:11:18 -0700 mind traps (REPOST from The Mindfulness and Psychotherapy Blog) http://focusandflow.posterous.com/mind-traps-repost-from-the-mindfulness-and-ps http://focusandflow.posterous.com/mind-traps-repost-from-the-mindfulness-and-ps (Excerpt from article by Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.)
Mind traps are those habitual thinking styles we get caught in that inevitably trap us into a cascading snowball of reactivity that leads us to greater distress. Look this over, see if you identify with any of them

http://ping.fm/a20XZ

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1982367/SPH3_2012.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4wjB1pMFjZLj Dr. Shelly Harrell DrShelly Dr. Shelly Harrell
Sun, 08 Aug 2010 23:27:00 -0700 done my best (from tinybuddha.com) http://focusandflow.posterous.com/done-my-best-from-tinybuddhacom http://focusandflow.posterous.com/done-my-best-from-tinybuddhacom

August 9, 2010
from tinybuddha.com by tinybuddha

“I have done my best: that is about all the philosophy of living one needs.” -Lin-yutang

Peace comes from accepting this moment is good enough exactly as it is– and that you are good enough exactly as you are. There will always be room to grow and improve in life; but if you’re consistently focused on your imperfections you will never enjoy your progress.

As I wrote before in the post 10 Ways I Know There’s Nothing Wrong withYou (or Me) you can’t possibly do someone else’s best so there’s no point in stressing about it. Go out and do your best today–and then give yourself the credit you deserve.


From: http://ping.fm/wivKO

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1982367/SPH3_2012.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4wjB1pMFjZLj Dr. Shelly Harrell DrShelly Dr. Shelly Harrell
Sun, 08 Aug 2010 17:20:10 -0700 REPOST: "Generosity Unleashed - Everywhere" (aflourishinglife.com) http://focusandflow.posterous.com/repost-generosity-unleashed-everywhere-aflour-4 http://focusandflow.posterous.com/repost-generosity-unleashed-everywhere-aflour-4 (Excerpt from original post by Gail Brenner)

Generosity. It’s a word with a beautiful rhythm that glides off the tongue. Even saying it feels like an offering.

Generosity flows naturally from a full and open heart. In those moments when we are free of mental traps and emotional triggers, when we are deeply peaceful, generosity effortlessly tumbles out of us and spreads in all directions. We just cannot help expressing love in every word and gesture.

But somehow, in this love fest, we exclude ourselves. This is an error in understanding. In our minds, we separate ourselves from the whole. In our hearts, we feel selfish and undeserving when we pay attention to what we need. Our inner world is mean and harsh. These are conditioned tendencies – not unadulterated truth – that result in needless suffering...

From: http://ping.fm/1CskL

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1982367/SPH3_2012.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4wjB1pMFjZLj Dr. Shelly Harrell DrShelly Dr. Shelly Harrell